BDSM?

BDSM; four simple letters with a truly eminent stigma attached to them. The connotation does not come from its innocuous uses – such as the Burrenton District Sailing Manifold - but the acronym for  'bondage & domination,' and 'sadism and masochism.' Yes, this refers to more than just chaining a stranger to a wall and flogging them with a cat-o'-nine-tails – it is an all-encompassing spectrum of often-erotic activities. Tying up your partner during intercourse, erotically roleplaying, even, to a degree, teasing each other are all elements of BDSM – but the one omnipresent and critical element is the concept of partners taking on complementary but unequal roles. BDSM is more than seeing a woman carry around a 'man-slave' on Law & Order – it is a widespread sub-culture and lifestyle. BDSM is much less 'deviant' than  one would assume; in fact, many participate in BDSM activities without ever knowing it.

One person (the "submissive") agrees to submit to another person (the "dominant"); or, alternately, one person agrees to receive some sort of sensation, such as spanking from another participant. This could also mean that one person is bound and gagged in an erotic fashion, or is 'disciplined' through verbal of physical stimulation, for example.

Though on occasion there is more than one participant (such as in 'group' play), the most common pairing is between two people – one submissive and one dominant. Some participants are always the submissive (referred to as shorthand as the 'sub'), and on the opposite end, there are those who like to be dominant all the time (referred to as the 'dom' for male or sometimes 'domme' for female). The majority, including myself, consider themselves to be a 'switch,' switching from being the dominant player one day and the submissive partner the next. (Kinsey Institute) To both roles, however, BDSM represents an activity or relationship characterized by partners taking on unequal but corresponding and complementary roles. In other words, it is about domination and submission in sex, about sex as an openly acknowledged 'power game', played by consent. It may or may not involve one partner inflicting certain kinds of pain on another. (Obviously, without consent it is assault and completely unacceptable).

The BDSM lifestyle and public scene are constantly dramatized and portrayed in the media. Books, films, magazines, television, music, even Yahoo! Groups all portray and discuss what has been cycled as a vogue fashion and a delicate derangement. Tragically, the press also leads to a terrible stereotyping and mixing of each and every different nuance of BDSM culture, and even worse, associations with far less-than-innocent groups and fetishes. The mainstream media, whether through a bit part on CSI or an article in the Washington Post, has a nasty habit of generalizing people of 'similar' groups together as the same. Just as female sexuality was grouped together with concubiniage and prostitution in the ancient Roman culture, so do different fetishes become lumped together under the 'blank' term BDSM. The largest and most obvious split is between the spectrums of interpersonal relationships – bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism are all critically different. However, each of them  rely on the participants' sexual fetishistic impulses and personal tastes.

A sexual fetish is one way of describing, in layman's terms, a 'turn-on'. Biologically, sexually reproduction consists of nothing more than a man and a woman. However, more than 92% of the American populace report having certain kinks or turn-ons – whether it be a woman's breasts, candles, nudity, a certain ethnicity, lingerie or erotic clothing, spandex, body
dimorphism (amputation), auto-erotic asphyxiation, tentacles, medical casts, diapers, Apeirophilia (arousal by infinity) or forniphilia (objectification of men and women as physical objects, such as binding them in such a way that they could be used as a chair).  (Aggrawal 369)

If you are horrified by any of these paraphilic situations (meaning sexual arousal from anything other than the 'norm' for sexual stimuli.) you have every right to be. The Kinsey Research Institute frequently defines "normal" sexual stimuli as being  not conventionally recognized as part of copulation – while a woman's breasts and genitalia are generally relevant, other objects – such as, say, specific material such as leather, latex, or rubber, or leather. One study conducted by the Kinsey Institute reported that the highest-reported objects of fetishes were specific pieces of clothing (like lingerie) with approximately 50% of the participants reporting fetishistic feelings; rubber and rubber items at 30%; footwear at 15%, certain body parts (such as arms or feet) at 12%; and leather at a mere 10%. (Kinsey Institute) Now, sexual fetishes are diagnosed as normal variations of human sexual drive. (Gates 12)


A great number of so-called "normal" people practice elements of BDSM whether they know it or not. (SexResearch.org) Even if one considers "S&M" as some 'sick practice involving whips, cattle prods, and torture for sexual stimulation," they may still blindfold each other from time to time, or even engage in submissive and dominant roles without even realizing it. All of the above count as elements of BDSM. It is not necessarily hardcore sadomasochism, and it can be subtle, is hopefully sensual, and is ideally romantic. One can deny that they participate in activities with such a negative connotation, but it does not change their interests. The mainstream media may portray BDSM as 'wearing a leather mask, being chained to a wall, and being whipped'  but enjoying certain elements of BDSM does not make you so inclined to enjoy the aforementioned hood and whipping. BDSM does not necessarily mean enjoying every element, just as enjoying sports does not mean enjoying every single sport. There are many people involved in BDSM who enjoy tying others up, or being tied up themselves, but who do not enjoy S&M--that is, they aren't interested in inflicting or receiving pain. Sometimes, one partner just ties up the other, as a form of foreplay. Similarly, there are many people who may like the psychological control they get from ordering their lovers to do things, but do not care for being physically restrained or tied, or for tying up their lovers.

Among the most important distinctions is between 'public' and 'private' scene. BDSM culture exists in most western nations, with high concentrations in the United Kingdom and the United States, allowing like-minded individuals the chance to share their interest. However, BDSM is often still regarded as "ill", "peculiar" or "perverse" by a large segment of the public and the media ("Slaves of Las Vegas"). As such, many people hide their leaning from society since they are afraid of the incomprehension and of social exclusion. Even so, depending upon a survey's participants, about 5 to 25 percent of the US-American population does show affinity to the subject. (Kinsey Institute)

The large prevalence of BDSM practitioners in the US and UK allows for the existence of public meetings in the form of clubs and personal gatherings. A BDSM party has the same facets as a normal social outing – getting friends and acquaintences for a night of mutual socialization and merrymaking – but with more kinky undertones.
That is to say that the emphasis is on BDSM 'play,' sharing experiences, and communicating over a mutually shared topic. Parties may take place in a specific location – like a local bar, a BDSM club (explained below) or one's house. The host does not need a colossal, expensive dungeon – merely enough participants to make the party interesting. In fact, such fantastical items as portrayed on television and and in the media are impractical and such splendor is usually more suited to a club.

Clubs, as a venue, could be as innocent as a local coffee shop like Maxwell's or a genuine BDSM club such as "The Dominion" in Chicago or "Dark Heart of The Woods," in Leeds. BDSM clubs have a sort of program schedule and set events, much like a common nightclub. In fact, the aforementioned "Dark Heart of the Woods" actually doubles as a nightclub on certain days, making for a casual environment for both kinky play and the club scene.

At these parties BDSM is performed, though sexual acts are usually not the center of activities. Instead, the focus is on BDSM such as spanking, sharing bondage and binding techniques, and exchanging tips and tricks. Similar to a small convention, different items (such as gags or sexual toys) may be available for purchase. BDSM parties are often associated with "swinger parties," which consist of sexual intercourse with one other than one's partner. Such practice is frowned upon by the BDSM community unless explicitly requested. In short, a private BDSM party is a social outing not unlike any other, but with the focus on the shared activity the participants all enjoy.

Almost universally, a 'dress code' of sorts is required – often implying the use of unorthodox or fetish materials (such as PVC, rubber, latex, or leather) that emphasize the body and sexuality. The 'dress code' could also consist of  frivolous pieces of clothing such as a schoolgirl/schoolboy outfit, traditional Chinese clothing (the cheongsam, or common 'china dress'). (Collaredandcuffed.com) These are of course only a few examples out of the many possibilities.

At said parties, different 'scenes' between partners occur.  In BDSM, a scene is an encounter between participants – it usually involves kinky play (such as flogging, spanking, or bondage) and it may or may not involve sexual intercourse. A 'scene' is best considered a a romantic interlude or erotic encounter. While what constitutes such an encounter will vary depending on the people, fetishes, kinks, lifestyles, and equipment available, the term 'scene' is generally accepted.  Scenes can be performed in the aforementioned club, in a private residence, or even in public.

When a scene takes place in public it may be because the participants enjoy the thrill of being watched by others, or because of the equipment available, or because having third parties present adds safety for play partners who have only recently met.

In short, the BDSM community has, for years, be given a bad reputation. Hopefully after reading this informative essay you will be able to better understand this subculture and even be comfortable enough to participate in some activities. Always remember to be safe, sane, consensual, and have fun.

 
Works Cited
Aggrawal, Anil. Forensic and Medico-legal Aspects of Sexual Crime and Unusual Sexual Practices. CRC, 2008. Print.

Bancroft, John L. "The Kinsey Institute - [Research Program]." The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. Web. 08 Oct. 2009.
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"BDSM Sex Research." BDSM Sex Research. Web. 08 Oct. 2009. .

"Collaredncuffed.com BDSM Dress Codes." CollarednCuffed.com The Beginners Guide to BDSM. Web. 08 Oct. 2009. .

Gates, Katharine (1999). Deviant Desires: Incredibly Strange Sex. Juno Books

Lauerman, Kerry. "A taste of the whip for Saddam." Salon Magazine 3 Dec. 2002: 1-2. Print.
Stahl, Jerry. "CSI / "Slaves of Las Vegas."" CSI. CBS. Television.

"Slaves of Las Vegas". Jerry Stahl (writer) & Peter Markle (director). CSI. CBS. 2001-11-15. Season 2 Ep. 8.